The Fourth Dimensional Penis

A nice place to dump out the clotted waste from the old brainpan. Take your shoes off before you step on the carpet.
Feel free to take some refreshments.

Blood And Chocolate

My two least favorite holidays are Easter and Halloween, and they both have blood and chocolate in common. It’s not real blood, of course. In one, the blood is storebought, comes in a tube, probably tastes awful. In the other, the blood is metaphorical, comes from a book, certainly isn’t true. Both require expensive costuming choices for the children, whether it be some flimsy overpriced plastic shell of the latest superheromovie, or some pastel colored uncomfortable vision of what some pious relative wants to see sitting in her church’s front pew. The weather is always contentious. It’s either a chilly spring rain or a chilly fall drizzle, but we dare not bottle ourselves up inside from that dread. We are expected at <insert relative here>’s house by <appropriate time>. We suffer through them both at the risk of disappointing a blood relative, regardless of their age. 

I will not live to see my society finally dispose of silly superstitions. Look under the bed for monsters. Do this in remembrance of me. A cross wards off vampires. A cross where our savior died. Hell, our society won’t make it until the end of my life at the rate it is going. Our mutual fear of monsters and of disappointing imaginary deities will lead to our demise. Send this drone in remembrance of me. Dress your kid like a heroic NSA agent. A reasonable God would never have let things get so out of hand, nor could an army of demons match up to the evil in our own government, our schools, in the hearts and brains of most men and women. 

Enjoy the mutual fuckery, both now and in October. As for me, I’ll be devoting my brainpower to wondering how they are going to kill off Megan Calvet Draper. 

assholeofday:

Bryan Fischer, Asshole of the Day for April 17, 2014
by TeaPartyCat (Follow @TeaPartyCat)
Bryan Fischer is an asshole. He has been featured on this site many, many times, and has been named Asshole of the Day five times prior to today. Usually though we feature him for his hatred of gays, which is so awful that the Southern Poverty Law Center designated the American Family Association where Fishcer works as a hate group. Yeah.
But Bryan Fischer is more than just a bigot. He can be offensive on many conservative topics, including income inequality. After discussing that the top 1% pay 30% of all federal taxes, Fischer told listeners that the poor ought to kiss the ground that the rich walk on:

the poor and middle class families in this country “ought to be kissing the ground on which [the rich] walk” because it is the top 1% that is paying for EBT cards and food stamps and federal housing.
The rich, Fischer asserted “ought to be given ticker tape parades once a week in all of our major cities to thank them for funding welfare for everybody”

Now of course Fischer doesn’t discuss how the top 1% got all that income— was it by manipulating laws to favor them, creating monopolies to raise prices, inheritance, spending $400 million on an election, or any of that other stuff. He’s not interested in that.
Fischer portrays himself and his conservative beliefs as traditional and Christian. And he has studied religion extensively:

Fischer has an undergraduate degree in philosophy from Stanford University, and holds a graduate degree in theology from Dallas Theological Seminary. Fischer served at the Cole Community Church in Boise, Idaho and founded the Cole Center for Biblical Studies and was the church’s director for thirteen years. Fischer then founded Community Church of the Valley and was senior pastor for twelve years. Before joining the board of directors of American Family Association, Fischer was also executive director of Idaho Values Alliance.
In 2004, he co-founded the Keep the Commandments Coalition, a group dedicated to keeping a Ten Commandments monument in Julia Davis Park in Boise. From 2000 to 2005, he served as a commissioner for the city’s Park and Recreation Department.

But apparently when doing all that Bible study, Fischer missed the parts where Jesus praised the poor and vilified the rich.
The suggestion that the poor should kiss the ground the rich walk on should be offensive to any Christian. And that Fischer represents himself as a Christian and has studied the Bible extensively and says this, only makes it more offensive. So, for turning Jesus’ own worldview of rich and poor upside down to give comfort to the rich, Bryan Fischer is the Asshole of the Day.
It is Bryan Fischer’s 6th time being named Asshole of the Day. Previous wins were for saying
claiming the Founding Fathers only meant to protect Christianity, not other religions
claiming the Senate had been intimated into silence by the bullies and bigots of Big Gay
claiming Obama was photoshopped into the Situation Room photo of the Bin Laden Raid
claiming that homosexuals are just like Nazis because most Nazis were homosexual
people who believe in evolution should be banned from holding office
Full story: Right Wing Watch

assholeofday:

Bryan Fischer, Asshole of the Day for April 17, 2014

by TeaPartyCat ()

Bryan Fischer is an asshole. He has been featured on this site many, many times, and has been named Asshole of the Day five times prior to today. Usually though we feature him for his hatred of gays, which is so awful that the Southern Poverty Law Center designated the American Family Association where Fishcer works as a hate group. Yeah.

But Bryan Fischer is more than just a bigot. He can be offensive on many conservative topics, including income inequality. After discussing that the top 1% pay 30% of all federal taxes, Fischer told listeners that the poor ought to kiss the ground that the rich walk on:

the poor and middle class families in this country “ought to be kissing the ground on which [the rich] walk” because it is the top 1% that is paying for EBT cards and food stamps and federal housing.

The rich, Fischer asserted “ought to be given ticker tape parades once a week in all of our major cities to thank them for funding welfare for everybody”

Now of course Fischer doesn’t discuss how the top 1% got all that income— was it by manipulating laws to favor them, creating monopolies to raise prices, inheritance, spending $400 million on an election, or any of that other stuff. He’s not interested in that.

Fischer portrays himself and his conservative beliefs as traditional and Christian. And he has studied religion extensively:

Fischer has an undergraduate degree in philosophy from Stanford University, and holds a graduate degree in theology from Dallas Theological Seminary. Fischer served at the Cole Community Church in Boise, Idaho and founded the Cole Center for Biblical Studies and was the church’s director for thirteen years. Fischer then founded Community Church of the Valley and was senior pastor for twelve years. Before joining the board of directors of American Family Association, Fischer was also executive director of Idaho Values Alliance.

In 2004, he co-founded the Keep the Commandments Coalition, a group dedicated to keeping a Ten Commandments monument in Julia Davis Park in Boise. From 2000 to 2005, he served as a commissioner for the city’s Park and Recreation Department.

But apparently when doing all that Bible study, Fischer missed the parts where Jesus praised the poor and vilified the rich.

The suggestion that the poor should kiss the ground the rich walk on should be offensive to any Christian. And that Fischer represents himself as a Christian and has studied the Bible extensively and says this, only makes it more offensive. So, for turning Jesus’ own worldview of rich and poor upside down to give comfort to the rich, Bryan Fischer is the Asshole of the Day.

It is Bryan Fischer’s 6th time being named Asshole of the Day. Previous wins were for saying

Full story: Right Wing Watch

(via wilwheaton)

myladycatelyn:

The houses of Game of Thrones reimagined as modern brands (x)

i think i choked on tears at ‘Frey celebrations’

(via thronesmeme)

 
 
Here I am lost in the wind
'Round in circles sailing
Like a ship that never comes in
Standing by myself
 
Sing a sad song for a good man
Sing a sad song for me
Sing a sad song for the sailor
A thousand miles from the sea
 
Here I am along on the plain
Sun’s going down
It’s starting to rain
Papa we’ll go sailing
—“Texas Girl At The Funeral Of Her Father”, by Randy Newman
 
This song reminds me of my wife. This song reminds me of her father. He was a Navy veteran who lived nearly all his life in a landlocked state. My wife would someday like to see the sea. (Oh homonyms!)
 
I’ve been to the sea. The summer before my freshman year of high school, my family traveled to that secessionist state, South Carolina. I waded out into the ocean. I wasn’t much impressed. I was more impressed to see Fort Sumter and the gravesite of that old state rights loving nutjob, John C. Calhoun. The sea did nothing for me. (Oh rhymes!)
 
I have never faced death. I will have to face it eventually. I will have to someday know what it is like to be “lost in the wind.” Someday I will find a way to get my wife to the sea. She’ll never be able to “go sailing” with her father again (not as though they ever went sailing) but she deserves to look at all that blue undrinkable water. And maybe I’ll take her to see John C. Calhoun’s grave and tell her just why he was such a nutjob.