March 2012
32 posts
February 2012
63 posts
My Son Threw Up On Me Tonight
Why did I make that the title? That was actually the story. I should have thought of a better title, one that didn’t give away the whole story. I feel like I have wasted everybody’s time. Sorry.
Life of Liriope: Why RoWack would love her boobs... →
liriope:
As promised. Note: many of these reasons would apply to other women’s boobs, too.
Nipples work in collusion to form happiness.
You can make fun squishy farty sounds.
Sometimes there is biting and/or pinching.
Cleavage scissoring.
Everyone else will be jealous.
Decreases under boob sweat,…
My boner is infinite now after having read this. You sexy ladies…
An Announcement
I hereby declare that I will return to Twitter tomorrow evening, Tuesday. Around 8-ish Central time. It’s been long enough. Thank you for being patient with me.
You're Wrong
I am not just an avi on your screen. I’m not just an “account” that can make you laugh. I’m not here for your amusement or your arousal or so you can feel good about yourself. I am not not real. I am very much real.
I’m a person. A human being. I feel. I feel all sorts of feelings. I try to stay happy, but it’s not always up to me. Sometimes I am sad....
Excuse Me, Shopkeep!
I would like all the “meh’s” that you have in the store, if you please. I’ll be paying with cash. Paper bag, please. Oh, and these Altoids. Thank you.
Recipe For A Lousy Monday Morning
First, it helps to be already malaised about Monday morning the night before. Then, add five or six bottles of really strong thick beer. Stay up until 1 in the morning. Add heavy dollop of interpersonal drama with both good friends and with people that could have been good friends but are apparently just playing games with people. Go to bed bitter and angry. Wake up at 7, an hour before I need to...
A Question
What do you call it when you trust someone and share with someone and then you find out that person is a pathetic lying cuntrag that says the same things to every person that they talk to?
hernameismud-deactivated2013010 asked: Hey, if you see @PuddingBoobs at the tweetup, tell her I heart her : )
A Brief Report On The Status Of My Hiatus From...
It has been nearly 48 hours since I logged into the Twitter. Here are some of my thoughts:
1. It hasn’t been nearly as tough as I thought it would be. I’m also not thinking about it as much as I thought I would be. Every now and then I’ll say or think something and it occurs to me that it might make a good tweet, but the thought passes quickly and I chuckle.
2. After posting my “farewell”...
A Summary Of Every Conversation I've Ever Had With...
Me: <spews out some Star Trek related bit of trivia or a lengthy chain of thoughts about something Star Trek related>
Her: <looks at me, rolls her eyes, goes back to staring at her phone>
Me: <sighs, frowns, looks ashamed>
Did You Know!
If you say the phrase “two can play that game” out loud in your house, Vivica A. Fox is allowed by law to live in your house for up to three months. Thanks, Morris Chestnut Act of 2002, a congressional act I just made up!
New Jargon
We all know that LMAO means Laughing My Ass Off.
I propose a new annoying acronym for the Interwebs.
JOMAO. This means Jerking Off My Ass Off. Because, hey, sometimes, a lady says something so fucking hot you nearly knock your hot tea all over the place.
Sadly, it will never cease to amaze me all the ways that men can think of to hurt and abuse a woman. It makes me want to take up arms, buy a road map, fill up the car’s gas tank, and go on a cross-country murder spree.
Holy shit. I’m already bored.
And I’m already missing someone’s tweets…
Sigh…
My Decision To Go On Break From Twitter
It is with a heavy and weary heart that I write this. But it is also very freeing. I have been trying to express my feelings lately and have found it most frustrating and unsatisfying. Here I will make them best known, for the sake of my own sanity.
As of this evening, I will be taking a hiatus from Twitter. I am going to take a week to see how I feel about the situation and then I will return,...
Witty Blog Title: The End of My Twitter Exile →
crocpunch:
So I disappeared from Twitter for a month. It was a long time coming and something I desperately needed. Some of you may be asking, “Why?” or “How the hell did you survive?” or better yet, “What the fuck?”
There are many reasons why, but the main one is I started to take things way too seriously….
Randomness XVIII
“Montag grinned the fierce grin of all men singed and driven back by flame.”
—Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
I love this quote. I hadn’t read this book since my sophomore year of high school. I picked it at Target a couple of days ago, just an impulse buy.
I see a deeper meaning in this line. It’s not just about fire to me. It’s about anything consuming, a...
Randomness XVII
Based on what I am seeing lately with respect to negative comments being made to people who I follow on Tumblr that I like, I’m starting to believe that the word “Anonymous” is derived from the Latin word for “coward.”
You want to criticize somebody or their posts? Have the courage to use your name or your handle. You fucking coward.
“Tonight I’ll be on that hill ‘cause I can’t stop
I’ll...”
– Bruce Springsteen, “Darkness On The Edge Of Town”
Randomness XVI
I’ll keep this simple: this day sucked and it can jump off the top of a bridge and into a rushing ice-cold river, leaving behind a wife and children, for all I care.
Life of Liriope: I'm angry. →
liriope:
Last night, I tweeted “In honor of today’s holiday, I’m keeping anger alive. That self-righteous indignation is what will help me learn to love myself again.” I’m holding fast to that anger. I don’t want to be mad. I don’t hold grudges. I need to be mad right now, though, in the hopes of…
Ugh.: Because →
mmesurly:
In my ten years of marriage, there have been just a handful of occasions that we haven’t brushed our teeth at the same time and gone to bed together. Every available minute (and some days, all we have are minutes), we are together and happy and affectionate. Our marriage and our kids are our life,…
Randomness XV
It snowed this morning, the first substantial snow we have received this winter. As soon as I saw it layering the landscape, I felt weary. It meant extra effort : shoveling, cleaning off the car, driving in adverse conditions, contending with other equally weary drivers. In the midst of all this mental grumbling, a thought occurred to me: I didn’t used to hate snow. I loved it as a kid....
Random Lyrical Madness 1
I just started getting into Pulp in the last year or so. Here in the US, Pulp was never all that successful; they were overshadowed by other mid 1990s imports like Oasis and Blur. But I like their sound, and I love the snarky weary attitude of their frontman, Jarvis Cocker. The song these lyrics are culled from is “Like A Friend,” probably the song they are most known for in America....
“Being a nerd, which is to say going too far and caring too much about a subject,...”
– from the essay “The Nerd Voice” by Sarah Vowell
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
– Charles Bukowski (via itsthismodernglitch)
Randomness XIV
Driving on the interstate. I see a Mercedes ahead of me and one lane over to my right. The license plate reads TESLA, obviously a vanity plate. I wonder to myself: is this in tribute to the pioneering physicist or the terrible 1980s hair metal band? I am coming up on the car. I have to see what the driver looks like. I have convinced myself that I can solve this riddle if I can see the driver. I...
